Fulfilling Your Sexual Potential in the Second Half of Life

Sexual desire and pleasure is our birthright. After all, we were created naked and with different genitals. There must have been a plan in mind. We are sexual beings from the day we’re born until the day we die. Sex is fundamental to our lives and seems to be the area of life that most deeply touches our most personal issues. Our sexuality is a core expression of who we are. We can hide with sex, we can hide from sex, but we cannot be fully ourselves sexually and hide.

Why have sex? Well, it is well known that sex enhances our lives in multiple ways, both psychologically and physically.

Health benefits include lower blood pressure, overall stress reduction, higher levels of antibodies so fewer colds and flews, burns calories, good exercise, improves cardiovascular health, boosts self-esteem, releases endorphins which makes physical pain decline and helps lift depression; reduces risk of prostate cancer; promotes sleep.

Interpersonally, good sex may be only 20% of a good relationship (80% when it’s bad), but it’s a crucial 20%. Orgasm increases the level of oxytocin, a hormone that allows us to nurture and to bond. Hence, sex increases love and connection even on a purely biological basis. Sex is an arena that is particular and special to a couple. We let ourselves be known to our sexual partner in a way that we don’t share with anyone else.

A couple who has a satisfying sex life is more able to create and sustain a long-term loving relationship. It is well known that people in stable relationships are thought to be more productive in their jobs, have better health and live longer.

The most rewarding sexual experiences are much more rich, diverse, and creative than the “get it up, get it in” approach. And sexual responsiveness has absolutely nothing to do with being able to meet the culture’s prototype of sexual attractiveness. Rather, it grows from connections of hearts, minds, and bodies. Truly good sex begins with a willingness to be open and vulnerable and to give and receive pleasure and nurturing freely. The psychological ability to share intimacy, both physical and emotional, is essential for good sex, but being intimate (as we’ll discuss later) is an art that confuses and even terrifies many individuals.

Good sex, then, is a complex concoction of openness and secrecy, risk and control, personal satisfaction and mutual fulfillment. Good sex requires an ability to be totally immersed in the moment (which is difficult for most people), ever-present to the sensuality of ourselves, our partner and our lives.

Sustaining a healthy, balanced sex life requires mindful attention to our senses, to the physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual dimensions of ourselves, as well as our relationship with our partners. We must KNOW OURSELVES (“KNOW THYSELF”) to know what we want and need sexually. Then we need to have the courage and self-assurance to communicate these desires to our partner, even in the face of possible rejection. Also, we need to have relinquished some of the layers of narcissistic self-consciousness that, when young, may have prevented us from being truly attuned to another person’s reality and needs.

What I’m saying is: good sex requires PSYCHOLOGICAL MATURITY (which we all have because we’ve lived for a while now and have learned some things along the way.)

Mature lovers are more likely to experience not just satisfying sex, but are more likely to experience sexual ecstasy. Certain states may occur in sex where the boundaries of self are suspended in merger with the “other”. This kind of, well, self-transcendence, can open the channels to experiencing a sense of a broader, more universal connection.

Let’s see what the dictionary says about “ecstasy”: rapturous delight; intense joy; mental transport or rapture from the contemplation of divine things; displacement; trance; a shared sense of being taken or moved out of one’s self or one’s normal state, and entering a state of intensified feelings so powerful as to produce a trance-like dissociation from all but the single powerful emotion; this trance or rapture is associated with mystical exaltation.

Eastern societies routinely equate sexual ecstasy with spiritual enlightenment. Only in Western civilizations is there a chasm between sex and God.

So, it’s all good, right? Everything from lowering your blood pressure to experiencing mystical exaltation points to the fact that sex is a good thing.

But if it’s such a good thing, why are so many people not having sex?..or are subject to various sexual dysfunctions, compulsions or perversions?

The fact is that few of us will ever seize the opportunity to explore the full range of our sexual possibilities. One writer I read referred to those who achieve the heights of sexual fulfillment as “the blessed few”.

Why so few? According to a recent survey, one in five Americans is not interested in sex. According to recent estimates, more than one-third of the women in the United States have problems with low sexual desire. Even this statistic may be low, as people may be embarrassed to respond to the interviewer honestly. “Diminished sexual desire” in women, considered by some to be an epidemic, is the diagnosis “du jour” for many sex researchers and therapists.

The loss of sexual desire can undermine a person’s perception of herself, her relationship to her body and may cause an irreparable strain in her relationship. Chances are if her excitement for sex is diminished, her excitement for life in general is somehow compromised.

So why are there only the “blessed few”? One in five is “not interested”???? A third to a half of American women has no desire for sex???? What’s wrong with this picture? Why are so few people actually interested in having sex, exploring it, heightening it?

There are many, many reasons that people eschew sexual pleasure.

First, there are societal/cultural/religious influences. We live in a sex-negative culture. For instance, most Western societies do not support sexual education and development. Parents are still battling to eliminate whatever beleaguered sex education courses are offered in the schools (which, by the way, focus on procreation exclusively), stating that educating children about sex is the purview of the home. Yet, in the homes, silence is the order of the day and kids are still left to figure it out for themselves.

When children are left to their own devices, they are subjected to misinformation from peers and their own fantasies about what sex is. If they become fixated at these levels, there’s more of a chance that they’ll grow up with certain sexual problems. (perversions, dysfunctions and compulsions)

Western culture has historically done much to harm sexuality. Vestiges of the Victorian and Puritan eras, with their emphasis on exclusively procreative sex and discomfort with the idea of sexual pleasure, still resonate with many people, at least on an unconscious level. Sex is evil; sex is sin and eternal damnation.

(which has been a big problem in the Christian community throughout history, and still can resonate down from our own parents’ generation).

Today, we have the “free love” of the 70′s behind us, a growing understanding of sexuality in the mental health field, the significance of the women’s movement and the impact of the communications industry which have combined to break down some barriers to sexual understanding. But we STILL live in a sex-negative culture. The sexual terrain of our times, especially after AIDS, is filled with fear, uncertainty and reactivity – for “normal” people, never mind neurotics, homosexuals, alternative sexualities (BDSM), cross-dressers, people who embrace polyamory rather than monogamy,– AND for the baby-boomers who are trying to forge a new paradigm for sexy aging.

We still get mixed messages from the culture about sex. We’re still confused. “Sex is dirty, save it for someone you love.” Does sex have to be illicit for it to be good? Sex belongs as part of a committed relationship, which connotes high values but low passion. Honor and virtue do not seem to combine well with hot, trembling, lusty sex. Men in this culture still suffer from the “Madonna/Whore Complex”. Some men choose both but will have to be dishonest about it, thus making a tear in the fabric of the integrity of their primary relationship.

Then there’s the societal influence of new technology. The permeating influence of cybersex/pornography on men’s ability to attach and bond to a real, vital woman is a significant barrier to sexual intimacy. Divorce attorneys from the American Bar Association report that a whopping 50% of all divorces are the result of the husband’s addiction to cybersex – that is — pornography, chat rooms, webcam sex, ads for prostitutes, dominatrixes, female bondage and humiliation, the fetish of your choice.

Women, for their part, are encouraged to adorn themselves to be sexually desirable, but not to be sexual. In their historical roles as the guardians of morality, they fail as women if they “succumb” to their (base) sexual natures and allow for the experience of sexual pleasure. Religious traditions have, in fact, been part of this split way of understanding sexuality. The idea of sex as sin outside of marriage and sex as duty inside of marriage is still alive in the collective unconscious and has gone far to undermine the acceptance of sexual pleasure as normal and healthy. These antiquated ideas that there is something morally perverse about a woman who enjoys sex are cultural imprints that unconsciously paralyze many women when they try to experience their sexual selves.

It seems to me that the media, as the messenger of cultural values, promotes the image of an anorexic teenager as representing the height of sexual desirability. Can’t be too thin or too young (within legal limits) to have sex appeal. People are then obsessed with living up to this unrealistic standard for physical beauty being piped through the media. Women compare themselves to the unattainable, develop poor body images, and lose interest in sex.

(Ironically, physical beauty and sexual responsiveness are not interrelated. The fact is that superficial variables such as weight, age, height, facial structure OR the size of a penis make very little difference when it comes to a person’s ability to be sexually responsive and experience sexual passion.)

Our society also buys into the notion that good sex always involves intercourse and orgasm by both partners, preferably at the same time. This approach to sexuality is restrictive and unrealistic, especially as we get older. As I’ve mentioned, sexuality is a much broader arena than getting it up, keeping it up and getting it in. An emphasis on intercourse and orgasm strengthens the misconception men have that women need to be desirable and men need to perform. Performance anxiety and sexual dysfunction are the usual results of an exclusively intercourse/orgasm approach to sex. Furthermore, the focus on genital sex exclusively limits the full range of sexual/sensual dimensions that can be experienced in addition to, or instead of, intercourse.

Some people have “intrapsychic” conflicts about sexuality from having grown up with dysfunctional family dynamics. I don’t even want to think about the rampant sexual abuse of young females where the perpetrator is the father or other close family member. It doesn’t get reported, the rest of the family denies it, and the girl suffers in agonizing isolation, thinking it was her fault, until adulthood when she may get some treatment. Certain young boys are covertly incested by their mothers: there may not have been actual sex, but the mother may have been needy, narcissistic, enmeshed, over-involved, controlling and unable to let her son “differentiate” to become the individual that he should become. These boys may grow to be men with sexual problems.

However, the vast majority of sexual “shut-downs” comes from interpersonal conflicts between the partners. Anger, resentment guilt, hurt feelings, being shut-down and non-communicative are not the stuff upon which sexual fulfillment is built.

I think relationships go bad (and sex shuts down) (cite divorce rates) because the vast majority of people have misconceptions about love and intimacy. Yet, understanding intimacy is crucial to our understanding of hot and sweaty, yet warm and tender lovemaking. Sex is, by definition, an intimate act that is enhanced by the lovers knowing themselves and the other. If lovers are not able to know and disclose their deepest needs and wants to each other, sex becomes mechanical. This kind of knowing and communicating about wants, needs and fantasies requires a foundation of trust and safety that can be found in a loving relationship.

(A caveat – I have no problem with casual sex, booty calls, friends with benefits, or even “kinky” sex that’s not part of a primary relationship. This kind of sex can be fun and satisfying (depending on whether you respect each other), but it’s something altogether different than sex in a loving, monogamous relationship.)

Many people think of intimacy in terms of sentimentality or romanticism. To do so is to falsify it. “Being in love” is also a falsification of intimacy.

“Being in love” is a really a temporary state of insanity. Each person projects his/her own personal relationship agenda (established in childhood) on the other without having any real, knowledge of the other. Inevitably, the honeymoon is over, or people fall “out of love”, and disillusionment sets in. We do not want to give up our fantasy and grow into the reality of actually loving the person “as is”. At this point, either the relationship breaks off or the couple starts to work on building a relationship based in knowing the reality of each other.

People have all sorts of misconceptions about what “love” means. Love can mean sundry, ambiguous, neurotic and even evil things to some: Caring for, rescuing, infatuation with, dependence on, feeling close to, sacrificing for, being a martyr to, being sexually excited by, having a “trophy partner”, having control over another, being controlled by another, marrying someone who’s somewhat like you’re abusive mother in order to finally get her to change, the need for validation and admiration from the other, or the vilely self-destructive idea that love means pain – either from physical or emotional abuse.

These kinds of ill-conceived notions about love create plastic, destructive relationships in which intimacy cannot exist. These relationships can be used to manipulate others, to get our own narcissistic needs met at the expense of the other, and are in the service of other nefarious, unconscious, neurotic conflicts. Celebratory sex can’t exist in a plastic, alienated relationship because sex at it’s fullest requires us to authentic and connected with our lover.

So what is love? “I love you” means something very concrete. It means that I surround you with a feeling that allows you, even requires you, to be everything you really are as a human being at that moment. When my love is full, you are your fullest self. I experience you not as what I expect, not what I want, not as a mannequin upon which I cloche my unconscious, infantile, needs to have a parent and remain a child. You don’t need to reflect well on me. You are not my status symbol. You are, to me…your authentic self.

We love when we not only allow, but enable, enhance and enjoy the “otherness” of our partner.

Being loved, being moved by another’s acceptance into knowing ourselves as we really are may bring trouble, actually. The result of knowing what issues you have that impair productivity and intimacy may be painful, but it can be worked through. We grow with it. It is in human-to-human relationships that we learn, make mistakes and relearn. And the primary intimate/sexual relationship is where we can relearn most profoundly.

Love shatters roles and facades and is illuminative. The confirmation that you are loved lies in your increasing experience of being who you are. Love is unilateral…self as the one who loves actively, not so much the self who is in need of love passively. Real love requires no particular response from the other, so there is freedom of self expression without fear of disapproval or rejection. It is the fear of being alone (or being abandoned) that makes us dependent on the response of others, keeping us from experiencing authentic, real loving.

Let’s look at the word “intimacy”. Again, from the dictionary: the word is derived from the Latin intima, meaning “inner” or “inner-most.” Here again, it suggests that to be intimate, you need to know your real self. (KNOW THYSELF!!!) This ability to be in touch with our inner core is a requisite to being intimate.

Our intima holds the innermost part of ourselves, our most profound feelings, our enduring motivations, our values, our sense of right and wrong and our most embedded convictions about life. Importantly, our intima also includes that which enables us to express these innermost aspects of our person to “the other”.

So, to be in relationship, and to know yourself/your partner sexually, you need to know and respect your intima. The intima is also the way in which we value and esteem ourselves and determines how we are with being with others. To put it simply, if don’t value yourself, you can’t value another. If you’re not aware of needs and wants, or are shamed by them, then sex becomes no more than a fuck.

I think every person I’ve ever seen in my consulting room for sexual compulsions suffers from estrangement from his intimus. We can survive the disapproval of others. The feeling can be painful, but it’s nothing compared to the disapproval of ourselves. Your personal well being and your ability to love another cannot survive your dislike or disrespect of yourself. If you dislike yourself, you’ll never be comfortable with your sexuality.

It bears repeating… the outstanding quality of intimacy is the sense of being in touch with our real selves. When “the other” also knows and is able to express his real self, intimacy happens. Sexuality is both an expression of that intimacy and a bond that enhances intimacy. With this kind of personal/sexual intimacy, our growth experience as humans is energized, enhanced, and fueled. Intimacy is the most meaningful and courageous of human experiences. It’s why people long for it so.

However, despite this universal longing, the fear and avoidance of intimacy is a reality for many people. People fear and even dread that which they most long for. No wonder there’s such a demand for psychotherapists!

So why would people fear, avoid or sabotage this wonderful thing called intimacy and, in the process, avoid sex.

Our capacity for intimacy is formed in the crucible of the first two years of life. Mothers that are needy, narcissistic, depressed, enmeshed (over-involved), distant, too protective, controlling, chronically angry, addicted to substances, frustrated with their husbands and displace their needs onto their children… raise children who have the psychic imprint of closeness as being dangerous. They also raise children who will carry self-hatred into their adult lives unless they get good treatment.

As children, they developed a rigid defense system (boundaries, walls, turning inward to not need others) in order to psychologically survive. But what worked for them as children doesn’t work for them as adults. For these people, the vulnerability of intimacy harkens back to a time when they were vulnerable as children and they fear re-traumatization in their current relationship.

When a person like this is loved – seen in an affirmative light and encouraged to grow and change – this rigid defensive structure is threatened, so their psychological equilibrium is disrupted. Being loved is not congruent with the negative tapes they run about themselves. They can’t allow the reality of being loved to affect their basic defensive structure. Being vulnerable and open to change feels so threatening that they eschew close relationships and mature sexuality.

Entering into a relationship without having some resolution of childhood wounds results in various kinds of fear of intimacy: fear of being found inadequate, fear of engulfment, fear of the loss of control, fear of losing autonomy, fear of attack, fear of disappointment and betrayal, fear of guilt and fear of rejection and abandonment.

This panoply of fears and anxieties about being close and vulnerable definitely is not sexy. We are most open and vulnerable when we express ourselves sexually and we need to have a secure base in ourselves and our relationship to expose ourselves in this way.

Alright. Now let’s get to the nitty-gritty. Sex and aging.

Some of those “not interested” in sex may very well be the middle-aged and the elderly. They’ve bought into the myth that we’re supposed to stop being sexual after a certain age. The fact is, as we mature emotionally and psychologically throughout the lifespan, we mature sexually as well. We can look forward to the best years of our sexual lives because of that maturity. People under the age of 35 may look hot, but they rarely have the psychological maturity to achieve the kind of self-knowledge, intimacy skills, communication skills and willingness to be vulnerability that underlies intense sexuality.

In order to achieve sexual fulfillment as we grow older, we have to nullify – negate – disown and disbelieve — the sex-negative cultural myths about sexuality and aging. Let’s look at some of those myths now.

· The quality of sex declines for both men and women as they age.

· If a woman does not lubricate sufficiently or a man does not become erect immediately, it’s over for them.

· Erection problems are inevitable and incurable without medical intervention

· Female desire declines dramatically after menopause

· Men peek in their teens…then it’s all downhill.

· Women peak in their 30′s and lose interest in sex by 45-50.

· Men and women with heart disease or other medical problems should avoid sexual activity

· Sex has to end in orgasm

· Intercourse is the only kind of sex that counts; everything else isn’t sex

Those are the myths. But here’s what I think: older loves are more sophisticated about their own/their partners needs, have an increased ability to communicate sexual and emotional needs; there is improved sexual responsiveness in women and a corresponding improved ability to control ejaculation in men; a greater willingness to experiment with sexual variations; far greater technical proficiency as lovers with fewer inhibitions and an increased ability to have fun during lovemaking.

Sex need never disappear and orgasm in both men and women has been observed in the 9th decade.

Sex is different as we age and those who are able to retain a sense of sexual vitality are those who are able to integrate their altered and somewhat diminished, but by no means vanished, sexuality comfortably into their lives. Men, especially, tend to leave the sexual arena because these differences create frustration and anxiety. They compare themselves to their adolescent selves and feel defeated. The vast majority of sexual complaints of the elderly are a product of the person’s aversive psychological reaction to the normal age-related biological changes in sexual response.

Men change with age in that the frequency and intensity of orgasm diminishes. It takes a much longer time to up for “round two”. Older men no longer experience simultaneous erection, unlike much younger men who seem to be able to get it up just by…exposure to the air. By contrast, the older man needs to receive effective stimulation by his partner and then is perfectly able to attain erections.

Women, after menopause, may be less able to lubricate as freely as they once did. That doesn’t mean they’re no longer sexually responsive. All that is required is a sexual lubricate (I recommend Astrogel), and they remain capable of multiple orgasmic response throughout life.

Here’s a list of Hot Sex Tips, according to Dorothy.

* Don’t wait to be moved by desire or interest – allow yourself to be aroused and the desire will follow.

* Do consider some systematic way to relax and calm yourself before a sexual encounter. Anxiety is a killer of “in the moment” eroticism.

* Speaking of “in the moment”, do consider taking up some form of meditation that trains the mind to be focused on the present moment. The mind that is continually wandering to mundane life issues during sex will not be able to experience full sexual potential. (cite books) Being fully in the moment also reduces “spectering”, which is watching and evaluating your performance, which reducing the intensity of sexual experience.

* Do continue to cultivate your sexual skills and techniques. (Cite certain readings from the list).

* People, as they age, do experience fewer sexual fantasies, thoughts and interest. So it’s important to experiment with alternative (external) ways to become aroused. Different postures, sexual techniques, erotic films and videos, the use of sex toys, all result in a more imaginative and creative sex life..

* Do eat nutritionally and exercise – feeling vigorous helps your sex life immeasurably.

* Do not smoke or drink alcohol excessively. A minimum amount of booze (no more than two drinks a day) can be an aphrodisiac: too much makes you loose (or placid and soft) and can ruin your erectile functioning. Smoking also effects erectile functioning in later years.

In conclusion, I invite you to meet the challenge of mature sexual intimacy, and to be and remain…the erotic, celebratory, courageous and connected person that you’re meant to be.

Dorothy C. Hayden, LCSW, MBA, CAC is a Manhattan-based analytic therapist who specializes in sex therapy and sex addiction. Having received her MSW from New York University, she studied psychoanalysis at the Post Graduate Center For Mental Health and The Object Relations Institute. After studying hypnotherapy at the Milton Erickson Society for Psychotherapy and Hypnosis, she became a certified NLP practitioner. She is currently studying couples counseling at The Training Institute for Mental Health.

Common Myths About Child Sexual Abuse and Incest

The first response the majority of people form when hearing of sexual child abuse or incest is denial: “I do not have to be concerned about that in my community.” “That would never happen in my family.”

The unbelievable reality is that a person who sexually abuses children may seem very average and ordinary to the world. He/she may be a leader in the church, in the community or in business, a sports coach, scout leader, or celebrity. Sex offenders do not fit a classic stereotype and are not necessarily uneducated, unemployed, impoverished or an alcoholic.

The majority of people find sexual abuse and incest even more difficult to believe or accept when the sex offender is someone they like, admire, love, and/or marry. Tragically, the unwillingness to accept the facts concerning sex offenders leaves children vulnerable to becoming victims and increases the likelihood they will be abused.

Myth: Rape/incest runs in the family–it is in the genes.

Fact: Rape is not in the genes in the family of someone who rapes. Rape is perpetrated by someone who is acting out rage. Physical and sexual child abuse are the majority factor in creating the level of rage that compels anyone to commit rape, domestic violence or murder. We have known for a long time that the one commonality among rapists is physical and/or sexual child abuse. Serial killer, Ted Bundy is a classic example of this phenomenon. Since 80% of sexual child abuse survivors are sexually abused by family members there are usually several generations within a rapist’s family–sometimes both maternal and paternal. Current statistics reveal 70% of children are physically abused once a week. It is believed the number of children who are physically abused has decreased in the past 15 years. However, the current rapists in society would have grown up in the era when physical abuse was more prominent, therefore, we can assume there is a high percentage of people, who are potential rapists when we consider date rape and rape in domestic violence, which is seldom reported or if it is reported, is seldom prosecuted. Therefore, society has no way to access the number of rapes committed per capita.

Myth: Children lie or fantasize about sexual activities with adults.

Fact: Using developmental terms, young children cannot make up explicit sexual information. They must be exposed to it to speak about it. Sometimes a parent will coach a child to report sexual abuse falsely. The key indicators of the falseness in such a report are the child’s inability to describe explicit details, the inability to illustrate the act, or gross inconsistencies within the account.

Myth: Most victims of sexual abuse are teenaged girls.

Fact: While more girls than boys are sexually abused, many are abused before their first birthday.

Myth: Boys can’t be sexually abused.

Fact: Masculine gender socialization instills in boys the belief they are to be strong; they should learn to protect themselves. In truth, boys are children and are as vulnerable as girls. They cannot really fight back against the sex offender. A sex offender generally has greater size, strength, knowledge, or a position of authority, using such resources as money or other bribes, or outright threats–whatever advantage the sex offender can take to get what they want.

Myth: Sexual abuse of a child is usually an isolated, one-time incident.

Fact: Child sexual abuse and incest occurrences develop gradually, over time; often, repeat occurrences are generally the rule rather than the exception.

Myth: Children will naturally outgrow the effects of sexual abuse or incest.

Fact: Sexual abuse or incest affects every aspect of human development. The damage is profound, extensive and pervasive. It is deeper than the physical and emotional level–it is a soul injury that requires multifaceted, multidimensional, therapeutic processing conducted by a professional who specializes in sexual abuse and incest trauma recovery.

Myth: Non-violent sexual behavior between a child and an adult is not emotionally damaging to the child.

Fact: Although child sexual abuse often involves subtle rather than extreme force, all survivors experience confusion, shame, guilt, anger, as well as a lowered sense of self-esteem; these are classic aftereffects, although they may not initially reveal obvious signs.

Myth: Child molesters are all, ‘Dirty old men.’

Fact: In a recent study of convicted child sex offenders, 80% committed their first offense before age 30.

Myth: Children provoke sexual abuse by their seductive behavior.

Fact: Seductive behavior may be the result, but is never the cause of sexual abuse. Amy Fisher, the Long Island teenager who shot her sex offender’s wife in the face and whom the media dubbed, Lolita having an affair with a married man, is a perfect example of this myth. During her trial for attempting to kill Joey Buttafuoco’s wife, Amy Fisher revealed that she had been sexually abused before her abuse by Buttafuoco. Her behavior that many considered seductive and promiscuous was, in fact, a result of prior abuse. However, regardless of the victim’s behavior or reason for such behavior, the responsibility for appropriate behavior always lays with the adult, not the child. A sixteen-year-old girl is no match for the cunning and streetwise tactics of a man twice her age, therefore, the ability to affect adult consent is unreasonable to expect.

Myth: If children wanted to avoid sexual advances of adults, or persons in positions of greater power, they could say, stop or no.

Fact: Children generally do not question the behavior of adults. In addition, bribes, threats, flattery, trickery and use of authority coerce them into cooperation and compliance.

Myth: When a child is sexually abused, it is immediately apparent.

Fact: In cases of incest against children, as much as the sex offender might be hurting the victim, the child loves him or her and needs her family. Therefore, she convinces herself that she is somehow causing him or her to behave this way, and she remains silent. In her confusion of loyalty to her sex offender, she protects him or her by holding the secret. Thus, she carries the shame and guilt. In cases regarding sexual abuse and incest, the victim often believes that she has cooperated with the sex offender in some way and places inappropriate blame on herself. Therefore, although with tremendous suffering, she hides her pain through denial, dissociation, numbing, zoning out, hyperactivity, as well as other distracting behaviors. However, the aware parent would recognize these behaviors as a sign that something is wrong.

Myth: When the sexual abuse victim is male, male homosexuals are the sex offenders.

Fact: Heterosexual men, who do not find sex with other men satisfactory, perpetrate most child sexual abuse. Many child molesters, even though they are heterosexual, abuse both boys and girls.

Myth: Boys abused by males are or will become homosexual.

Fact: Whether victimized by males or females, boys or girls, premature sexual experiences are damaging in many ways, including confusion about their sexual identity and orientation.

Myth: When a boy and a woman take part in sexual behavior and it is the boy’s idea, he is not being abused.

Fact: Child abuse is an act of power by which an adult uses a child. Abuse is abuse; a woman engaging in sexual behavior with a male child is still sexually abusive, even if she thinks he initiated the contact.

Myth: If the sex offender is female, the boy or adolescent is fortunate to have been initiated into heterosexual activity.

Fact: Premature or coerced sex, whether by a mother, aunt, sister, babysitter or other female causes confusion, at best, and rage, depression or other problems in more negative circumstances. Whether male or female, to be used as a sexual object is always abusive and damaging.

Myth: If the child experiences sexual arousal or orgasm from abuse, he or she has been a willing participant or enjoyed it.

Fact: Children can respond physically to stimulation (get an erection) even in traumatic or painful sexual situations. A sex offender can maintain secrecy by labeling the child’s sexual response as an indication of his or her willingness to participate. You liked it, you wanted it. The survivor is then manipulated with their own guilt and shame because they experienced physical arousal while being abused. Physical, visual or auditory stimulation is likely to occur in a sexual situation. It does not mean the child wanted the experience or understood what it meant.

Myth: Males who were sexually abused as boys all grow up to sexually abuse children.

Fact: Only some sexually abused boys become sex offenders.

Myth: Boys are less traumatized as victims of sexual abuse than girls.

Fact: Studies show that long-term effects are equally damaging for either sex. Ironically, males may be more damaged by society’s refusal or reluctance to accept their victimization, and by their own resultant belief that they must ‘tough it out’ in silence.

Myth: If a child is sexually active with his or her peers, then it is not sexual abuse.

Fact: The act is abusive if the child is induced into sexual activity with anyone who is in a position of greater power, whether that power is derived through the sex offender’s age, size, status, or relationship. A child who cannot refuse, or who believes she or he cannot refuse, is a child who has been violated.

Unless and until, society focuses on sexual child abuse prevention, before the damage is done, sexual abuse of children will continue to proliferate. Child sexual abuse is the greatest hidden epidemic in the world.

Free Swinger Personals – Finding Swingers For Free

Are you looking for free swinger personals? This article will teach you a trick to easily find local swingers.

One place you may have considered are personals on free classified sites. Avoid them. Why? You can place an ad for free, which is good, and you get a lot of responses, also good, but most of your responses come from spammers, which is bad. Spammers target free personals to sell you products like dating and live adult cams. The problem is most of the time it is almost impossible to tell if the response comes from a real person or a spammer. So, avoid these sites.

Swinger couples can easily be found on popular adult dating sites. When you join you get a free membership. You wont need a credit card. All you need is an email and the two minutes it takes to create a profile. Once you have a profile just head over to the search page. Select your town and swinger couples. This will reveal a sometimes huge list of local swingers.

To attract a lot of swingers in a short time, just visit each of their pages and send friend requests. In no time at all you will be getting emails from swingers in your area. It is always better that they contact you first. It makes you seem more desirable in their eyes. So always send friend requests, not messages. When they message you then is the time to send a message.

So finding free swinger personals is a snap. Just get a free account on a popular adult dating site and do a search for swingers in your town or city. You wont ever need a credit card unless you choose to upgrade your account. You will find most swinger couples use these type of sites because there are lots of members so it makes finding partners very easy for them.

What You Can Get From Top Adult Dating Sites

there are two categories of top adult dating sites, free membership and paid membership adult sites. The difference between the two categories lies on the features they offer. Some features may be offered only in free membership adult dating sites and vice versa. Let us first discuss the features offered in free membership dating sites for adults.

Send messages – You can send and receive messages to and from millions of active members. Even if you have just signed up, you can expect emails from subscribers or active members especially those located in the same area as yours.
Full profile – You are entitled to provide information in terms of your gender; a description of yourself; what you seek; and who you are interested to meet. An activation code will be provided as soon as you have completed the sign up process. Your profile will be searchable by your fellow members.
Uploading photos – Free membership adult dating sites allow you to upload several photos, which can attract members to view your profile.
Millions of members – You are entitled to choose a date from millions of active members in the database. Since the number of active members is huge, it is most likely that you will be able to find your match. Searching for potential matches also depend on your preferences. You can search according to location, gender, username, photos, age, or interests.

On the other hand, apart from those provided in free membership dating sites, paid membership top adult dating sites also provide unique features that make subscription fees reasonable for your money’s worth.

Chat rooms – Paid members are entitled to join millions of chat rooms where they can have greater chances of meeting their match. Active chat communities are available from every part of the world.
Instant messenger – You can send and receive instant messages with numerous active members. This is an efficient way of establishing direct contact with potential matches.
Viewable member videos and galleries – Members can view the photos, galleries, or videos of other members. You can also upload your own so that you can attract people to contact you.
Live cams – Members are entitled to visit live adult cams where different cam girls await to chat with you 24/7. You can chat with these girls and ask them anything you want to see. This is one of the features, which is not offered in most free membership adult dating sites.

There are more reasons why you should join top adult dating sites apart from those already mentioned in this article. Many of these sites offer various exciting features that will surely provide you fun and enjoyment. If you want to experience a new kind of dating, you should sign up for adult dating sites that are suitable with your personal preferences. On the other hand, make sure that the adult dating site you choose has clear privacy and security policies to ensure your personal information cannot be obtained by third party vendors or other unauthorized entities.

It’s All About Sexual Self Confidence

Most people think only of “sex” when they hear the word “sexual” or “sexuality”. What most of us don’t get is that sexuality is broader than sexual intercourse, and to be sexual means more than engage in a sexual activity. Our sexuality is a continuum of self-disclosure of who we are as females or males. It concerns how we feel about ourselves as well as our sexual beliefs and behaviour, our values and emotions, where and how we focus, express and use our in-born God-given raw sexual energy.

Our raw SEXUAL OR EROTIC ENERGY is that creative rhythmic flow that sings and dances throughout our being; arms, legs, hips, chest, breasts, and even eyes. It permeates each little bit of your body and soul and makes you quiver with sensation and anticipation. This energy is about creativity, sociability, emotional life and sexuality. It is a profound source of joy and pleasure which is nurturing, healing and bonding. It is the centre from which one reaches out, expands and relates to others.

Many religions consider sexual or erotic energy “sinful” and some cultures regard it as a “lower”‘ or “primitive” state. This kind of thinking and attitude creates a blocking of this energy and deprives many of the knowledge and wisdom that comes from a full understanding of the power of our sexual energy. It denies our minds, bodies and spirits the sensuality of being alive, sexually magnetic, healthy, vital, mysterious, joyous and fulfilled. It makes many feel depressed and sexually unconfident about themselves. It reduces humans to sexual DO -ings, limits passion and connection in sexual love and has a way of draining the passion, love and life out of those whom we have a sexual relationship with.

On the other hand, when the energy in this area is balanced, we see our selves as sexual BE-ings; Our thoughts, emotions, intentions, dreams, hopes and actions are infused with purpose, meaning, passion, sensuality, desire, vitality and life. We become highly sensitive to the flow of erotic energy in our body, and as a result become better lovers. This is good not only for our sexual partners, but our personal confidence too.

SEXUAL SELF CONFIDENCE is knowing that we’ve reached a level of psycho-sexual development where we feel desirous and desirable in and of ourselves without the desire for anything else outside of ourselves. It is when we know that there is a unique and valuable part of us which we can’t wait to unlimitedly and unconditionally offer to someone of the opposite sex. It could be thought of as a sort of higher level of self esteem.

You can do all of the *right* things like improve your outer appearance, work on your communication skills, learn a few dating tricks, be romantic, sensitive and spend thousands of dollars on dating sites or speed dating, but if your sexual self confidence is low or not there, the opposite sex will sense it and, in turn, will perceive you as lacking MASCULINE OR FEMININE “VALUE”. Something about you will make them see you as a time waster, a friend, someone to be exploited, a business contact or even a casual lover but not as a potential long-term lover, sexual partner and life companion.

SEXUAL SELF CONFIDENCE is the blueprint of how we interact with the opposite sex, who we are attracted to, what we will try and who or what we will avoid. Our level of sexual self confidence also influences everything we think, feel, say or do and affects everything and everyone who comes in contact with us. It influences the way we stand, how we walk on the street, how we talk to customer services people, how we respond to stress and how we go about everyday things – it even influences how we pursue success and what kind of success we chose to pursue.

When you have high confidence in yourself as a sexual male or sexual female you become MAGNETIC to the opposite sex. You project a magnetic sexual state because you’re not distracted by a judge-mental attitude, inhibitions, neediness, insecurities, anger, long-simmering resentments, emotional wounds, memories of painful humiliations, confusions, jealousies, fears of inadequacy, rejection or failure, distrust, control and conflict, self-doubt, confusion and shame. You can more usefully direct your sexual urges, energy and activities to amplifying one little spark of interest into an emotional connection and lasting bond.

When you have high confidence in yourself as a sexual male or sexual female you embody a self-assured relaxed sensuous state and are more able to expressively use the body as an intelligent communicator of ideas, emotions, sexual interest and desire. You are more capable of figuring out how to get more of what you want out of life and operate in ways that help others get what they want. You take risks when appropriate, are decisive when necessary, ask for what you want and voice your opinion knowing that it will be highly valued by the other.

When you have a healthy doze of sexual confidence, you love sex and are capable of pleasing your sexual partner and making love for longer periods of time because you know that you have sexual “value” that your sexual partner will appreciate. The intensity of your true erotic yearnings, feelings, desires, and impulses draw out the best in your sexual partner. Both of you feel energized, strong, sensual and you age better and more gracefully.

The higher your sexual self confidence the stronger your SEXUAL AURA or EROTIC PRESENCE. When your sexual presence or aura is strong you have no need to constantly aspire to be “sexy” , act “sexy” or dress “sexy” because YOU JUST ARE – and it shimmers in and by itself. Around some intensely sexually magnetic people you can almost feel electric sparks.

When the opposite sex senses that you are really cool with yourself like that, they will find themselves irresistibly drawn to you, and most times they don’t even know why…

Sadly, however, most men and women walk around in a sexual coma, resigned to the idea that nothing can be done. In other words, most men and women have forgotten or do not know what it’s like to be a SEXUAL BEING.

Let me put it down like this, the difference between a SEXUAL BEING and a SEXUAL DOING is like the difference between being a pampered passenger in a Porsche with an expert driver at the wheel and slogging along a bumpy road in a really old Volkswagen with a bubbly driver who will neither ask for nor accept the directions he or she badly needs.

Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author of e-Books: The Art Of Seducing Out Of Fullness, Breaking A Bad Relationships Pattern, and Playing Hard-To-Get The Love Way.

The Causes of Sexual Dysfunction and Women With Diabetes

Studies have shown that 90% of diabetics are type 2 and less than 10% are diagnosed with type 1. The patients diagnosed with either type are under an increased threat of vascular and neurological complication and psychological issues. The women who suffer from this may have many complications. In most cases the risk of diabetes diagnoses especially type 2. An increased amount of cases of sexual dysfunction correlated with the diagnosis. The research had to account for the use of contraception, hormone replacement therapy, and pregnancy. Sexual dysfunction is a common problem, albeit a problem that has not been studied in women with type 2 diabetes in depth.

Diabetes type 2 diagnoses is the leading cause of sexual dysfunction. There will be an increased amount of women diagnosed with this considered a larger proportion of the population in increasingly growing older and becoming more and more physically inactive. Thus, the rate of sexual dysfunction in women will also increase. It was not until this study that the direct correlation could be substantiated. The effect of sexual dysfunction was correlated to neurological, psychological and vascular affects and a combination of such. However, despite the common knowledge that there is an association in their measurements of such is hard to create. It is difficult to measure sexual function in women. In many cases the spouses sexual performance, quality of sexual intercourse, patients educational culture, and socioeconomic status was also a large part of the problem. They also have a decreased sexual desire, decreased stimulus, reduced lubrication and orgasm disorder. Thus, diabetes females are more at risk than others. In this study several surveyors were sued to evaluate sexual function disorders.

Sex is defined by the study as an ability to experience masculine or feminine emotions, physical stimulation and/or mental feelings. It is also a perception that is expressed by the sexual organs of another. The sexuality of a human being is determined by social norms, values and taboos. This is also determined by psychological and social norms and aspects. The nature of the disease was also defined in the study. It had to be, in order to evaluate the nature of sexual dysfunction with patients who are diabetic. Responses to sexual stimulation in the subjects was divided into four phases. These included the arousal, plateau, orgasm and resolution phase. These phases were identified as the most detrimental and prevalent issues that affected women during sexual satisfaction.

In the first phase, the libido is accessed. This is the appearance of erotic feelings and thoughts. Real female sexual desires begins with the first phase. Also at this point sexual thoughts or feelings or past experiences help to create either a natural or unnatural arousal stage in patients. There second phase identified by searchers here was the arousal phase. In this phase the parasympathetic nervous system is involved. With that, the phase is then characterized by erotic feelings and the formation of a natural vaginal lubrication. The first sexual response begins with vaginal lubrication which follows within 10-30 seconds and then follows from there. What follows is typically a rapid breathing session or rather tachycardia that causes women to have an increased blood pressure and a general feeling of warmth, breast tenderness, coupled with erected nipples and a coloration of the skin. Most women experience this arousal phase.The third phase is defined as the orgasm phase or rather the time with increased muscular and vascular tension by sexual stimulation occurs. This is the most imperious of the cycles and is albeit the most satisfying for women. During this period women experience orgasmic responses from the sympathetic nervous system. Changes also occur in the entire genital region these include a change in heart rate, and blood pressure. The final phase of normal sexual stimulation is the resolution phase. During this period women have genital changes. Basically the withdrawal of blood from the genital region and the discharge of sexual tension as occurs after the orgasm will bring the entire body to a period of rest.

The basis of sexual responses cycle depends on normally functioning of the endocrine, vascular, neurological and psychological factors. Considering the brain is the center for sexual stimulation, sexual behaviors are directly correlated to the sense of being aroused. The study has defined sexual stimulation and peripheral stimulation. Central stimulation is defined as the act of being aroused and sexual desire is phenomena mainly mediated by the mesolimbic dopaminergic pathway. Dopamine is the most important known neurotransmitter system responsible for the arousal. The process breaks down to the fact that testosterone is responsible for both female and male desire and it increases blood flow either directly and indirectly through estrogen.

Sexual dysfunction has been classified and defined by the inability to experience anticipated sexual intercourse. This is a psychosocial change that complicates interpersonal relationships and creates significant problems. Orgasm disorder usually occurs with a recurrent delay or difficulty in achieving an orgasm after sexual stimulation.

Several sexual disorders have been affected by diabetes, many others are blanketed under the sexual dysfunction term. Sexual Aversion Disorder is the avoidance of all genital contact with ones partners. The difference between the phobia and the feelings of disgust and hatred are part of the phobia. Sexual Arousal Disorder is the inability to establish adequate lubrication stimuli in a persistent manner. Orgasmic disorder is defined as a persistent or recurrent delay in or lack of normal phases. Orgasm is the sudden temporary peek feeling.

According to the data from the U.S National Healthy and Social life survey women who are at risk for SD. In the study it was found that women with healthy problems have an increased risk for pain during intercourse. Also women with urinary tract problems or symptoms are at risk for problems during intercourse. The socio-economic status of women is another risk factor as well as women who have been the victim of harassment. Menopause has a negative impact on sexual function in women.

Sexual dysfunction was not limited to affective disorders, in fact socio-cultural and social demographic causes effected demographic and sociological characters were investigated. In the studies conducted sociodemographic characteristics like age, education level and income levels. Also the use of an effective method of family planning was related to the BMI and marriage were also factors in this decisions. The use of alcohol and drugs was also linked to a woman’s sexual response and leads to SD. The most prevalent use came from antidepressants received for the treatment of depression were reported with the use of the prescription drugs. The affects included a lack of lubrication, vaginal anesthesia, and delay in or lack of orgasm. Other drugs that have were found to affect female SD included anthypertensives, lipid-lowering agents and chemotheraputic agents. The study also took into account that chronic diseases like systemic diabetes and hypertension causes psychiatric disorders, including depression, anxiety disorders, and psychoses are attributed to chronic disease states.

Diabetes is a common chronic disease with more than 90% of diabetics having been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. Diabetic patients have been found to have an elevated risk of vascular and neurological complications and psychological problem.Thus, because of this it has been found that diabetics are prone to having female sexual dysfunction. Thus, the subject of female diabetic SD was largely unrecognized until 1971. Even at that time in an article the study was the first to evaluate limited cases of sexual dysfunction in women. Studies with females who have been diagnosed with SD. Diabetic females with sexual problem are explained with biological, social and psychological factors.

Hyperglycemia had been found in many diabetic women who have been diagnosed with SD. It reduces the hydration of the mucus membranes of the vagina. It in turn reduces the lubrication levels, leading to painful sexual intercourse. The risk of vaginal infections increases because of that and so too does vaginal discomfort and painful intercourse. It is clinically hard to measure sexual function in women. In many cases medical history, physical examination, pelvic examination and hormonal profile were reviewed. The subjects were questioned in detail regarding spouse’s sexual performance, quality of the sexual intercourse, the patients educational level and socioeconomic status. The several questionnaires which were used to evaluate sexual function disorders were a substantial methodology. Sexual inventories were then classified in two groups. The information obtained through a structured incentive allowing the discloser of terms. There was fact to face interview and also many sexual inventories which were based on the human sexual cycle.

There were 400 female patients that applied to the hospital or diabetes center. The test was conducted between June 2009 and June 2013. There were first non-voluntaries or those who met the exclusion criteria and type 1 diabetics were excluded from the study. This study also included 329 married women, there were 213 diabetic and 116 non-datebooks. All of the women in this study were sexually active and had a spouse. Also the survey questions were asked questions in a face to face attack. The subjects were given questionnaires and the volunteers who were inactive or had an illness were excluded from the study.

It was also important in the study to take into account demographics. These included the age of the participants, their weight, and their height. Their weight circumference, BMI and education level were also part of this study. With diabetic patients the plasma glucose level was also reviewed. In this study the reliability of the female sexual function index and the test-retest reliability was a.82 and a.79. The version of the validity and reliability of the scale was performed.

Another form of measurement was the Arizona Sexual Experiences Scale, again another form of questions used to measures the experiences that women have and how they were able to deal with them. Patients that were treated with psychotropic drugs were the main focus of this experiment. This is a set of five questions created to show a minimal disturbance with patients. The scale aimed to assess sexual functions by excluding sexual orientation and relationships with a partner. The format that was used for most women in this study included several questions regarding sexual drive and arousal.

Still other tests were utilized. These included the Golombuk-Rust Inventory of Sexual Satisfaction (GRISS). The utilization of this test was yet another set of questions that were given to males and females (28 males, 28 females) and were aimed at objectively evaluating the heterosexual relationship of the individuals and to identify the level of dysfunction of the subject. The results again found that women with diabetes are more prone to suffering from dysfunctional disorders.

Of course researchers looked into the subjects BMI and found that 23 of only 7% of the patients were in the normal range of the BMI which at the time was 18.5-24.9 kg. The mean BMI was also only 33.11 in patients with diabetes. The majority of patients that had higher BMI issues were smokers. So not only was it diabetes that attributed to SD but smoking and drug use caused additional complications. Also, 193 were premenopausal and 136 were postmenopausal. The average number of patients who were diagnosed were also on oral antibiotic medications in combination with insulin and in some cases antilipedemic medications. Many patients were not using medications at all which may result in the reference that they were suffering from the disease because they were unable to move through their diabetes diagnoses.

The study conducted found that there was no correlation between the age of a patient a their FSFI. Plus, there did not seem to be a correlation between the BMI and FSFI and the sub structures like desire, arousal, lubrication, orgasm, sexual success, and pain with diabetic women. Some of the volunteers had children, one to three children in fact. There again was no direct correlation with diabetic women with children or without. However there was a correlation with women who had a more children and their ability to reach an orgasm. Perhaps due to the multiple births and the destruction that it could have caused neurologically.

Specifically when addressing diabetes, researchers wanted to understand the extent of the SD disturbance. The attributes of a imbalanced hormonal system, vascular constrictions and increased sexual problems cause the physiological and psychological responses that were found. The differences in the mechanisms of the neurotransmitters during sexual responses in women with diabetes and without diabetes was the leading contributor to a decreased sexual appetite.

Women have many dimensions that lead to their diagnoses. Sexual function is affected therefore when a woman is diagnosed with diabetes. The research also found that female lubrication occurred only during the arousal phase. But the dysfunction was largely affective, meaning that women were unable to become lubricated during the arousal phase. Women who were insulin dependent had little or no evidence of dysfunction while non-insulin dependent patient status had a negative effect on sexual disorders. This included the ability to orgasm, lubrication during arousal, sexual satisfaction, and sexual activity. This suggests a more comprehensive explanation that SD might be related to the age at which the diabetes develops.

Also women who have a genital disease will also have be unable to achieve ideal sexual arousal. Other factors besides diabetic mediations include other medications. For instance, antibiotics used to treat urinary infections and oral contraceptives have been attributed to an adverse sexual function in women. These medication will also heighten a woman’s ability to reach normal sexual functioning. Again the psychological effects of diabetes will also cause women to be unable to reach an adequate amount of sexual ability. Typical feelings from diabetic patients that have been reported to researchers include a feeling of isolation, feeling of being unattractive, loneliness and isolation. These are mainly caused from the diagnoses and a lifestyle change. Women who have these symptoms or feelings are advised to seek treatment with their medical doctor and to seek a therapist. They should advise them of the feelings, to seek a holistic treatment plan.

Researchers advise that there are holistic treatments available for women who are suffering from these diseases and including the inability to organism which can be remedied with vibrating tools or psychosomatic techniques. Also a reduced libido may be a form of depression and therapists will address the patients self image during the scores of holistic treatment. This may in fact lead to a better self image and an increased libido. The loss of genital sensations can also be attributed to diabetes. Many patients have been advised to use entertaining vibrating tools in order to treat

Sexual dysfunction is mainly caused by a blanket of issues but according to recent studies by Paul Enzlzin, MA, Chantal Mathie, MD, PHD and others the direct correlation between medications in 90% of patients diagnosed with diabetes medication and disease state causes sexual definition. The effects are a common problem, 20% to 80% of women are reported as having a sexual dysfunction. The disease Diabetes Mellitis is the leading systemic disease of sexual dysfunction. Research has found that the cause largely forms because of psychological and physical issues. Thus leading to the inability to stimulate during sexual intercourse.

For many researchers configuring how to asses a woman’s sexual dysfunction was challenging. Talking about it presented a taboo and in many cases this would not lead to a very honest or comfortable conversation for the participant. That is why researchers utilized questionnaires and face to face interviews. This included the Female Sexual Function Index which was created in 2000. At that time Cronbach’s coefficient test-retest reliably was found to be about.82-.79. It is in essence a questionnaire that is composed of six sections that measure desire, arousal, lubrication, satisfaction, pleasure, and pain. The topic is also given a score system between 0-6. The 1st, 2nd and 15th questions are then also scored between 1 and 5. The other questions are scored between 1 and 5. This was only one of the measurements that researchers utilized to gain a better understanding on the role of sexual dysfunction and women with diabetes.

Patients or subjects are encouraged to speak with their health care provider regarding any issues they may begin to feel with a lack of sexual desire. There will be minor episodes of this feeling or it may progress into something less attractive. Episodes of depression will periodically affect the already progressing SD these too will be a point that many should discuss with their physicians.

Patients who are diagnosed with diabetes and then depression should seek therapy. In many cases the treatment may include antidepressants and holistic approaches. Lifestyle changes such as the implementation of a healthy and balanced lifestyle may help patients to improve significantly.However, that was found only in patients that made positive lifestyle changes accordingly. The medications that affect depression however will and may cause more complexities with SD. Moreover, only further testing will provide conclusive evidence.

SD is a chronic and persistent problem in women diagnosed with diabetes. Until this recent study the appearance of sexual dysfunction had not been studied enough. The impact if studied properly will largely affect most of the population diagnosed with diabetes. In recent years this the diagnoses has grown because the population has increased. Research with women and sexual dysfunction is scarce and also filled with flaws in the methodology of the research. The presence of the diabetes complications, the adjustment that patients have to the disease, and the psychological factors surrounding the disease affect it. The relations that they have with their partners are all part of the complications that arise with diabetic sexual dysfunction diagnoses in women. The study or research attempted to examine the prevalence of the dysfunction in women, the problems that occurred with an age matched group and the influence that diabetes had on female sexuality. The psychological factors that inhibited adequate sexual functioning were also measured in the most recent study.

Again in these studies women reported having less satisfaction during sex, avoided it as well. Researchers believe that these women who in particular were suffering from type 2 diabetes felt that they were less sexually attractive because of their body image. Researchers also examined psychological aspects of older type 2 diabetes in women who reported that they felt their bodies were less attractive then non-diabetic women. 60% or more of women in this study did not have a dysfunction, other than physiological symptoms or diabetes.

Much research has stated that if the patient is having difficulties it is important to have a talk with a physician about the probable side effects they will be suffering from. Women with diabetes who were suffering form the onset of menopausal symptoms could not be correlated to SD. In fact women who reported sexual problems were not significantly different in age though to the women who had an onset of menopause. The overwhelming evidence however suggested that psychological dysfunction and its accordance with diabetes was a crucial deciding factor to a rise in SD cases. The majority of research findings have concurred with it, stating that they in fact are able to correlate within the study.

A poor self image in women with diabetes leads to a loss of self esteem, feelings of unattractiveness, concern about weight gain and negative body images. The occur largely around the issue of weight gain, which follows with anxiety. There is evidence that these problems are common in older women who have been diagnosed according to several questionnaires that were used to evaluate women in the studies from 2009-2010. Research could suggest that it is because older women may be without a sexual partner and their diabetes could add to feelings of inadequacy. Younger women tend to worry about the effects that the disease and what it will have on their physical appearance especially with insulin therapy. If women begin healthy eating patterns then the main cause will have not issue on the physical appearance on women with proper nutrition. A woman has to be able to communicate with her partner and others around her in order to make sure that everyone understand the problems she is facing. However diabetes coupled with poor self images will lead a woman to become and introvert and therefore keep her feelings to herself. Thereby causing SD and a loss of social experiences by the woman in fact who has been battling these disease states.

A woman’s sexual desire has been found to be low, painful and absent. Thus, of this issue women will not be able to have healthy relationship. Unfortunately there has not been much research conducted with women because the variables have been to hard to control. But recently in this recent study conducted in 2009-2010 the questionnaire gave insight into the mind of women suffering form this disease. The limited study has prevented women from seeking out help and having a renewed interest in the problem. Limited studies have found that this problem affects largely about 50 % or more of women diagnosed with the disease. Most women who have type 2 and 1 diabetes are statistically going to stop having sex as much as their male counterparts because of their lack of a valued self image. In fact there are many sociological risks to not having adequate support systems to help minimize the impact the diabetes has on a lifestyle.

The changes that take place in a woman’s body who has been diagnosed with diabetes type 2 have largely been ignored. There are a plethora of issues at play here including detrimental issues affecting the central nervous system.Therefore, a woman’s sexual desire is largely affected by not only the CNS, but many other factors. In some cases these may include a hormonal imbalance caused by pre-menopause. Regardless there is a correlation between female diabetics and the changes in estrogen and sexual arousal stimulation. In the study the decreased sexual function and diabetes was also found to have a direct correlation in women who were overweight. This correlation was diminished in women who were average.

However of all of the contributors that will and do cause dysfunctions with women in sexual dysfunctions a poor self image was the leading cause. Depression was established in many women with a poor self image. Studies have shown that there is a direct link with diabetes and SD which is linked to a psychological disorder within women. Also diabetic women with this dysfunction were at least two times more likely to have sexual dysfunction than women without diabetes. In many cases depression caused a lack of sexual arousal or desire and a lack of physical performance when initiating the act. Therefore, a woman who is diagnosed with diabetes is at a higher risk of complications that harm her self confidence, her physiological health and her social interactions. Her daily routine will even be affected due or her lack of sexual arousal.

Specifically when addressing diabetes, researchers wanted to understand the extent of the SD disturbance. The attributes of a imbalanced hormonal system, vascular constrictions and increased sexual problems cause the physiological and psychological responses that were found. The differences in the mechanisms of the neurotransmitters during sexual responses in women with diabetes and without diabetes was the leading contributor to a decreased sexual appetite. Several risk factors were associated with sexual dysfunction including health problems which affected sexual intercourse, mainly in the form of pain associated with penetration. There are also several other causes that can be attributed to sexual dysfunction including urinary tract symptoms and arousal issues. However not necessarily in direct correlation to diabetes, but it becomes a symptom of the sexual dysfunction that may be attributed to diabetes as an after effects. Women who were diagnosed with type 2 diabetes had a direct correlation with sexual dysfunction. It was only with this research that many methodologies were proven useful in capturing the information.

Common Types of Sexual Dysfunctions Found In Men

Sexual dysfunction is quite a common health issue in men nowadays. It refers to the problem that prevents an individual from enjoying or experiencing satisfaction or pleasure from sexual activity.

Now, let us find out that what triggers these sexual dysfunctions.

Major Causes of Sexual Dysfunction

The causes that trigger sexual dysfunctions in men can be broadly categorized under two divisions: Physical and Psychological.

Physical causes: Most of us are not aware of the facts that a number of health or medical conditions can lead to sexual dysfunctions and often wonder that why they are having problems with sexual functions. You will amazed to learn that a number of medical conditions like diabetes, neurological disorders, heart and vascular disease, some chronic diseases like liver or kidney failure and most importantly hormonal imbalances can lead to serious sexual problems in men.

Besides these factors, alcoholism, drug abuse and side-effects of certain types of medications, including few antidepressants drugs also affect sexual drive and functions.

Psychological causes: This factor is quite common nowadays, since most men suffer from work-related stress and anxiety and this affect their sexual performance greatly. Moreover, it has been studied that depression, marital issues or relationship problems or past sexual trauma can also adversely affect the sexual desire in men.

Here, we have discussed on some of the most common health problems in men related to sexual dysfunction.

1. Premature Ejaculation

Premature ejaculation is one of the most common sexual compliant in men. Estimations found that one out of three men are affected by this health issue. This occurs when a person ejaculates before or sooner after the intercourse. Both biological and psychological factors are responsible for this health problem. Though most men do not feel comfortable in discussing about the issue, it is treatable in most cases.

Symptoms

The primary symptom of premature ejaculation is ejaculation that occurs just before the beginning of the intercourse or shortly afterwards before the wish of either of the partner and causes stress. However, this problem may take place in all sexual situations, even while masturbating. This ailment is generally classified by doctors’ under tow categories: lifelong (primary) and acquired (secondary).

The International Society for Sexual Medicine has pointed out some essential features of lifelong premature ejaculation:

Ejaculation that most of the time happens within couple of seconds of intercourse.
The inability to hold back ejaculation just after the vaginal penetration.
Loss of interest in physical intimacy.

The symptoms of secondary premature ejaculation are found to be similar to the symptoms of lifelong premature ejaculation. However, there is a single key difference.

Secondary premature ejaculation commonly develops in men who have not suffered ejaculatory issues previously and have experienced satisfying physical relationships and acquired the health issue due to some reason.

Causes

Beforehand only psychological causes were held responsible for this ejaculatory problem. However, doctors are also now considering biological factors that may also contribute in developing this problem.

Biological causes

Problems of hormonal secretion in the body
Problems in the level of brain chemicals called neurotransmitters
Dysfunction of the reflex activity of the ejaculatory system
Thyroid problems
Infection or inflammation of the urethra or prostate
Inherited traits
Damage of nervous system due to any trauma or surgery is also a rare cause of premature ejaculation

Psychological causes

Some major psychological factors are:

Anxiety: Many men during the sexual intercourse are highly concerned in obtaining and maintaining their erection for longer period of time and they concentrate a lot on their sexual performance. This often leads to anxiety and the person rushes to ejaculate before time.

Stress: Any mental trauma or emotional strain often leads to stress. Stress affects human health adversely and it has been found that men suffering from stress often develop sexual problems like premature ejaculation.

Incompatible relationship: It has been commonly noticed that interpersonal issues are often responsible for this typical sexual dysfunction.

Other factor

Certain medications

There are some rare drugs that affect the action of chemical messengers in the brain. This often contributes to premature ejaculation.

Treatments and drugs

Sexual therapy

Sexual therapy is quite effective in treating the symptoms of premature ejaculation and often prescribed by doctors. One of the common types of sexual therapy is masturbating few hours before the intercourse, so that ejaculation gets delayed during the sexual act. Some doctors also recommend avoiding vaginal penetration for a specific period of time and to focus on some other kind of sexual play to reduce stress or anxiety that many men experience during the intercourse.

Medications

Many doctors suggest certain antidepressants to treat this sexual health issue. Some urologists prescribe selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), such as paroxetine (Paxil), sertraline (Zoloft) or fluoxetine (Prozac) to delay ejaculation. However, it may take around 10 days to get effect from these drugs.

If the doctor finds no improvement in the timing of ejaculation, sometimes tricyclic antidepressant clomipramine (Anafranil) is also prescribed, which has proved to benefit individuals suffering from this specific disorder.

Topical anaesthetic creams

Topical anaesthetic medication is also prescribed by doctors to prevent fast ejaculation. They are applied on the penis shortly before the intercourse. This reduces the sensation during the intercourse and controls ejaculation. A number of reputed compounding pharmacies supply a range of topical anaesthetic creams. However, it is best to consult an experienced doctor who will prescribe you the suitable one, based on your medical history and reports.

Counselling or cognitive behavioural therapy

This is generally recommended by doctors in combination with medication. This is a kind of talk therapy where you need to converse with a mental healthcare expert. It has been found to be effective in reducing stress and anxiety.

2. Erectile dysfunction

Erectile dysfunction, commonly termed as ED is the inability in men to sustain or maintain erection during the sexual intercourse. If erectile difficulty persists for a brief period, you can avoid visiting doctors. However, if it is a persisting problem, it is essential to visit an urologist to treat the health problem.

Symptoms

Difficulty in attaining an erection
Inability to sustain an erection
Only being able to attain erection while masturbating, but not at the time of sexual intercourse

Causes

Ageing is not the primary cause of erectile dysfunction as many young men also experience the problem. ED generally develops due to specific health condition.

Physical causes

The physical causes can be categorized in four sections:

Hormonal: inadequate hormonal secretion or abnormal level of hormone in body

Anatomical: some sort of defect with the physical structure of the penis

Vasculogenic: Insufficient flow of blood to the penis

Neurogenic: the nervous system gets affected (nerves, brain and spinal cord)

Keep reading to find out the common physical conditions that can lead to this disorder.

Diabetes
Atherosclerosis
Heart disease
Treatment of enlarged prostate
Hypogonadism (low level of testosterone hormone)
Hyperthyroidism and Hypothyroidism (overactive and underactive thyroid)
Kidney disease
Obesity
Stroke

Psychological causes

Stress
Anxiety
Fatigue
Depression

In some cases both physical and psychological causes trigger the disorder. For instance, a person suffering from diabetes may develop some sexual problem and may become stressed and anxious about it. Then the combination of both stress and diabetes may develop erectile dysfunction.

Test and diagnosis

You doctor may examine the penis to find out whether there is any structural issue with the organ. You may also need to do some blood tests to check the level of some essential hormones in your body.

Intracavernous injection test: A synthetic hormone is sometimes injected into the penis to boost the flow of blood. If no erection is found, it implies that the person is having issues with supply of blood or blood vessels and the doctor may prescribe an ultrasound scan.

Duplex ultrasound scan is also sometime prescribed to measure the flow of blood inside the penis.

Treatment

To treat erectile dysfunction it is essential to do proper treatment of the underlying health conditions first. In many cases, it has been found that just by diagnosing the underlying health conditions, the issues of ED have been resolved.

Pharmacological treatment

In many cases oral pharmacological treatment is recommended by doctors to boost the ability to attain and maintain the erection. Some common types of medications are phosphodiesterase (PDE-5) inhibitors and apomorphine.

Transurethral therapy

This is another effective pharmacological solution that is applied in the urethra to improve erection. It can be maintained with the help of an elastic band applied at the base of the penis.

Intracavernous injection

As discussed earlier, this is one of the most effective treatments to improve the condition. Solutions for the injections are prepared with different components like alprostadil, papaverine and drug combinations. They are also convenient for patients who are not compatible with oral therapies.

However, ED treatment is recommended by doctors depending on several factors, including the age of the patient, medication tolerance, severity of the disease, underlying health conditions and more.

3. Low Libido

Low sexual desire is another health problem found in men. Though the figure of men having low libido is not alarming, according to Irwin Goldstein, the chief editor of The Journal of Sexual Medicine and the director of sexual medicine at the Alvarado Hospital at San Diego, about one in five men have low sexual drive. And this is often termed as hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD).

However, low libido in men should not be confused with erectile dysfunction, since it has been found that most men with low sexual drive have no issues in achieving erection.

Though ageing is a major factor for low sexual drive, there are also other reasons responsible for this disorder.

Causes of lack of libido in men:

Physical causes

Obesity
Anaemia
Testosterone deficiency
Major disease such as diabetes
Underactive thyroid gland
Head injury
Prescribed drugs: Many drugs particularly Proscar (finasteride) are often recommended by doctors to treat prostate problems. Such drugs affect the sexual drive of men.

Psychological causes

Stress and depression
Exhaustion
Relationship problems

Each cause of reduced sexual drive has its own treatment. However some common changes in lifestyle like regular exercise to reduce bodyweight, limiting alcohol consumption, smoking cessation, a healthy diet can help in addressing the issue.

Whatever may be the problem, it is best to visit an experienced urologist to diagnose the issue effectively.

Hello Everyone, I am Agnes Parker. I am a professional digital marketing writer, also associated with reputed digital marketing companies. In this article I have focused on the three most common sexual dysfunctions suffered by men. I have collected these information from experienced pharmacists offering medication management service in Huntington Beach.

How to Practice Sexual Fitness Everyday for Women Using Mind and Body

Like men, sexual health is an important aspect of your life. Although you may not think about sex or connect sexuality to your ego as men do, it remains a very important facet to quality of life. As a consultant to a dietary supplement company writing educational articles and practicing many years as a clinical psychologist, I have personally counseled and advised women on their sexual issues and endeavors for optimal sexual health. After years of experience in the field of psychology, I have come up with some practical recommendations for you to practice in order to optimize your sexual potential. Although written for a woman, men should read this article and support their female partner at all costs. Like many healthcare professionals, I believe in taking a holistic approach to sexual health and fitness.

The first step is to make your sexual fitness a daily goal. Just as frequent exercise is necessary for physical health, regular exercise and attention paid to your sexual being is vital. This is not to say you need to fixate on your sexual health and welfare as men do, but knowing yourself, your partner, and psychological well-being directly links to optimal sexual health. Just as you have a physical fitness regimen, so too should you devise a sexual fitness regimen. I do not mean you need to think and engage in sex as frequently as you exercise, but thinking daily about sexuality is not only healthy, I highly recommend it.

Physical well-being is paramount to your sexual health. This is why it is important to have an excellent open relationship with your doctor and/or gynecologist. There are many medical conditions that can impact a woman’s sexual well-being only she and her doctor can explore. From painful intercourse to a lack of sexual appetite, these problems can sometimes be rooted in a medical cause that can be treated with medication or doctor recommended steps. The key is feeling comfortable to discussing sexual issues with your doctor. There are millions of women who suffer from hormonal and medically based conditions. These same conditions though can be treated and sometimes cured with the help of a doctor.

Psychological well-being is crucial to your sexual health. Stress, anxiety, depression, and past traumatic experiences can all negatively influence sexual functioning. Just as a woman seeks medical advice from her doctor, a visit to a psychologist specializing in women’s issues may also be necessary to reduce mental health issues and past traumatic experiences from being problematic. A psychologist is a doctoral level clinician who is trained to diagnose and treat psychological issues which may impact a woman’s capacity to engage in sex in a comfortable manner. Although psychological conditions exist and require counsel, many women have emotional issues that can be addressed on their own or with a loved ones help. Unlike men, women seem impacted more by their environment than does their male counterparts. This is not to suggest men insulate themselves from their life stressors, but women tend to internalize these stressors more often and allow these life stressors to detract from their want, need, and desire for sexual engagement. Learning what life stressors are impeding their ability to practice regular sexual fitness can alleviate some of the obstacles causing sexual appetite and desire issues

As mentioned above, your sexual well-being is connected to the way you feel about yourself and the environment. Women are born, bred, and socialized to fixate on the way they appear to others. If you have a poor self-image or low self-esteem, it is almost impossible to engage in a healthy sexual lifestyle. It is truly unfortunate our society still places massive pressure on women to be thin, svelte, and seductive in appearance. Because of these societal expectations, women become far too involved in perceiving and feeling “less than” or unattractive to others. This is not to say you should not exercise or practice self-image improvement, but the negative self-image a woman often feels when she’s not to the level she thinks she should be will always directly impact her ability to feel sensual, sexual, and provocative.

Whereas men tend to fixate on their sexual prowess, women seem to fixate on their image as it appears to the outside world. The goal is to reduce this fixation of being your most attractive at all times and then working towards self- acceptance. When you feel reasonably secure about your image, you become vastly more comfortable feeling as a sexual creature that not only deserves attention, but also expects sensual interactions. Speaking to a psychologist, friend, or loved one can help you meet the goal of a healthy self-image.

Women are socialized to be incredible communicators and adept at expressing their feelings. You learn early in development the benefits of discussing your concerns to others as being both healthy and necessary to optimal psychological well-being. Unfortunately, men are not socialized this way and tend to lack the confidence or motivation to communicate to their loved ones about their sexuality. Although men suffer this proverbial disability to discuss their sexual issues to others, women can also be hesitant to discuss sexual matters with others. The key for you is to feel comfortable expressing your sexual thoughts and concerns with the ones you are engaging in sexual practices with. Your male counterpart may not appear to be listening or concerned with your sexual needs. The secret reality is your male counterpart will usually welcome whatever advice you give him since his ego is connected to your sexual perception of him. There are men who truly are clueless about women’s needs and expectations, but if you believe in practicing sexual fitness, you will quickly educate him.

Self-awareness is essentially, “Know Thy Self”. Despite religious and societal interpretations of masturbation and self-stimulation, it is highly recommended for you to know what arouses you sexually and helps puts you in a sensual mood. Self stimulation and masturbation is like exercise for the sexual senses. The more you know what arouses you, the better you will be at communicating to others what heightens your sexual prowess. The only way to communicate what your sexual trigger points are is to know what places on your body arouses you. Men have communicated to me in counseling on numerous times confusion about the female anatomy. They also confess they do not know how to touch and talk to their partner hoping to heighten her arousal. Women too often do not recognize what their sexual triggers are. Self-stimulation and masturbation helps you to recognize what arouses you and teaches how to identify the areas of your body that are sensitive to sensual touch. Masturbation not only educates a woman, but also has suggested in clinical studies to be a healthy behavior contributing to an increased sense of physical well-being. The more a woman is educated about her anatomy, and areas of sexual sensitivity can only positively contribute to her sexual life. The key is regularly practice self-stimulation as often as possible in order to achieve sexual fitness.

There are women who do not practice self stimulation or masturbation due to religious, philosophical, or for moral reasons. There are also women who do not practice masturbation because they simply don’t have the time due to work, children, or household responsibilities. When these reasons for not taking the time to practice self stimulation are apparent, then the next best thing is practicing sexual fantasy. There have been studies that have suggested men think about sex from every 10-15 seconds to every several minutes. There are no known studies that I have come across that have determined how often women think about sex. Although there may be these studies, I have not had the opportunity to review them. If there are such studies, I can almost guarantee women’s frequency of sexual thoughts are not nearly as frequent as men. Not to say that you should fantasize about sex as often as men, but I do recommend spending a little time each day engaged in sexual fantasy. To fantasize about sex is not only healthy for the mind and body, but it is great for stress management as well. Sexual thoughts and periods of sexual fantasy can also help you better understand your own thoughts and needs and teach you to be comfortable with sexuality in general. Fantasy is fantasy. There are no boundaries when it comes to an arousing sexual fantasy. The act of thinking about sex contributes to your positive feelings of well-being and potential increased urges of sexual desire.

In conclusion, volumes of books and videos have been produced to assist women in increasing their sexual prowess and appetite. I alone could spend hours writing about what I’ve heard from women seeking healthy sexual functioning. The goal for you is to understand how important it is to spend time thinking about your sexual self and how much better life becomes when you regularly engage in sexual exploration. A woman, like a man, is a sexual creature. The key for you is to endeavor upon using a holistic approach to obtain your optimal sexual functioning. The mind, body, and spirit all work synergistically to help you feel as a sexual creature with urges and needs. Sexuality may be a taboo subject for some, but it is clearly a mandatory part of our species survival. In its finite form, sexuality and the goal of sex is for the purpose of procreation. All animals procreate for survival of their species. Although procreation is the evolutionary goal of sex, that does not mean you have to relinquish your right to healthy sexual functioning and enjoyment. Men need to emphasize less the importance of sex, and women need to emphasize more their capacity for sexual enjoyment and deep yearning for sensual intimacy. Sexual fitness is an activity that requires you to think about and practice each day.

Dr. Michael Nuccitelli is a New York State licensed psychologist and a clinical and educational consultant for Herberex Inc. and Goliath Labs Inc. Dr. Nuccitelli areas of expertise include dietary supplement compliance guidelines, sports nutrition, human sexuality, forensic psychology, health/fitness, and psychiatric/psychological issues.

Sexual and Gender Identity Disorders

Gender identity disorder is generally called transexuallism. Transvestism refers to the practice of obtaining sexual pleasure by dressing in the clothes of the opposite sex. Today the term cross-dressing is more commonly used because it does not allow for a mistake of transsexualism, which is a complete gender change from the original sex. Transvestism is a paraphilia for which the essential feature is intense sexual urges and sexually arousing fantasies involving dressing in clothing of those of the opposite sex. It is extremely important to note that just because an individual is classified as a transvestite does not mean that they are necessarily homosexual. Extensive studies have been conducted to show that transvestites are not homosexual in many documented cases. Many psychiatric concepts have been used to try and explain why transvestism is prominent in certain individuals, such as the constitutional predisposition of unknown origin known as degeneration. Degeneration referred to an innate neurologic weakness that is transmitted with increased severity to future generations and produced deviations from the norm. Despite there being many theories on transvestism, there are no commonly accepted ideas because human sexual disorders can be extremely difficult to understand. In some cases, transvestism can become so prominent in an individual that they become transsexual. An individual who is transsexual usually begins with taking hormone injections and undergoes plastic surgeries in order to change their sex organs to the opposite sex. While transvestism is not widely accepted as a norm today, society has generally learned to accept the idea that some individuals are born with this sexual disorder.

Sexual sadism could as well be identified as paraphilia. Someone who delivers sexual sadism is called a sadist. The administered humiliation, pain and suffering could either be psychological or physical. The pain, humiliation and suffering may also cause injuries or death to the person receiving them. During a sadistic behavior, the person who is receiving the pain or humiliation may not be a willing partner. Though, sadists usually live their daily lives in agony and impairment because of the aggressive behaviors or cruel fantasies.

There are many assumptions to the cause of sexual sadism; some are branching from the psychoanalytic group. For example, the psychoanalysis method implied that childhood trauma such as sexual abuse or major childhood incidents can reveal itself in nonsensical behavior. Because of the test results finding by neuropsychological and neurological from sex offenders, some psychologists tend to believe that sexual sadism might be genetic or due to biological factors. Even though the desire for sexual sadism could begin during one’s infancy, the commencement of active sexual sadism normally take place throughout early adulthood. However, the real cause of sexual sadism is still unknown. Also, sadists are not easily diagnosed. Some are forced by family members, friends or court order to seek therapy, which often helps with the treatment of sexual sadism.

In addition, sexual masochism is the opposite of sexual sadism. The masochist feels excited when receiving humiliation, pain and suffering. The physical actions of a masochistic could involve several different activities such as: cutting, piercing, beating, blindfolding, electrical shock, being urinated or defecated on, forced to bark, verbally abused, and forced to cross-dress. One could be identified as a masochist after receiving these symptoms for at least six months; however, it is known that men are found to be more sexual masochists than women. The cause for sexual masochism is also unknown. Based on learning theory, sexual masochists were initiated because of suppression from unsuitable sexual fantasies. In today’s society, most of the sexual fantasies are derived from the conscious and unconscious state of mind. Some psychologists believe that masochists enjoy receiving the pain and humiliation in order to feel empowered.

Very few sadomasochism search for help with a therapist or a social worker. Sadomasochism that tends not to seek help often gets into trouble due to sexual variations. The level of tensions by society increases toward people with bizarre sexual preferences. Although, the cause of sadomasochism is unknown, the disorder can be treated. Similar to other types of paraphilia, treatment is mainly dependent on the person’s desire and willingness to change. Numerous forms of therapy such as: psychotherapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, aversion and positive behavioral therapy approaches, reality therapy, medications, hormonal treatment, reconditioning and restructuring techniques have been found effective in treating sadomasochism. An additional method that can be used to treat sadomasochism is social skills training. Social skills training is one of a kind that needs to develop within healthy family relations; however, it could be that some people who developed sadistic and masochistic behavior may perhaps in part, because they do not know how to form healthy relationships, whether sexual or nonsexual, with other people. Even though, social skill training is not a substitute for medications or psychotherapy for sadistic and masochistic, but it sure can be useful as an adjunctive treatment.

In comparison, a sadist is one who enjoys giving pain during sexual intercourse while a masochist enjoys receiving the pain giving by the sadist also known as sadomasochism. According to several psychologists, including Sigmund Freud, most sadomasochism is upper or middle class men and women who are highly educated and hold professional jobs. The necessary element is not the pain or repression itself, instead it is the facts that the sadist most of the time has more power or controlled over the masochist.

Another known sexual disorder is forced sexual behavior, which is generally broken down into three different areas: rape, sexual abuse of children, and sexual harassment. Rape is generally defined as the act of forcing sexual activity on an unwilling person. Over the past few decades rape has become increasingly prominent in the United States, so much so that a reported one in six women have been raped. Rapists generally do not have a distinct profile, but several theories exist as to some of the reasons why men choose to rape women. Others believe in a cycle of abuse in which men that were abused as children are more likely to engage in acts of sexual misconduct such as rape. This theory is especially prevalent when talking about the sexual abuse of children, which includes incest, child molestation, and pedophilia. Incest refers to sexual relations between relatives. Incest is prevalent in many cases where there has been a cycle of abuse and a parent sexually abuses their own child. Child molestation refers to the sexual behavior with a child without force or direct threat of force. This form of forced sexual behavior is still considered forced because a child can’t legally consent to the act. This form of forced sexual behavior can be equally as damaging to a child simply from the mental distress it puts the child through. Pedophilia refers to the persistent sexual interest in children who have not reached puberty. Most pedophiles are men while the victims are young females, but there are still plenty of reported cases where the victim is a male and the pedophile is a female. Many pedophiles also commit the other acts of forced sexual abuse and continue the acts throughout their lifetime. Sexual harassment is the final act of forced sexual behavior that is included in this discussion. Sexual harassment refers to the unwanted sexual advances, comments, or any other form of coercive sexual behavior by others. Sexual harassment is so prevalent in the United States today, especially in the workplace, that most jobs promote sexual harassment awareness within the first week of being hired. Just because an individual has not committed the actual act of touching another person does not mean that it can’t be equally as damaging.

In today’s lifecycle, people have different ways of expressing their desires as a voyeur or exhibitionist. In most cases, they are harmless. Voyeurism and exhibitionism are two sexual activities, but the two are both engaged with different meanings. Both voyeurism and exhibitionism are considered paraphilia. Voyeurism is when one individual watches the other individual undress his or her clothes during a sexual activity, such as taking a shower or getting undressed for bed. The term voyeur comes from the French, and means “one who looks”. Men are the main the suspects to be called a voyeur. A person is considered a voyeur when he or she is caught sneaking to watch a person undress, and he or she gets aroused by watching the person take his or her clothes off. Most victims are complete strangers to the voyeur. When a person is listening to a sexual conversation over the telephone, he or she is performing a type of voyeurism also. A stranger may never know that he or she is being watched by a voyeur. Women can be caught being a voyeur throughout life too. Voyeurs are in the dark people. They rather stay hidden, and never be seen because of the embarrassment, but they love to watch a stranger take off his or her clothes. Most men who struggle to fulfill their own sex life, are the main ones diagnosed as a voyeur. A voyeur must want to better his or her behavior in order to let go of the bad habit.

A person could have multiple types of fetishism going in his or her life. Amputee, breast, sexual, foot, etc. are all different types of fetishism. When a person has a sexual fetishism, this act can be very dangerous and scary to the innocent bystander. Fetishism is a disorder that is characterized when there is a pathological assignment of sexual fixation. Fetishism can be looked at as harassment by many different people. Harassments can happen at any time, place and by any person. Fetishism is found primarily in heterosexual men. The male gender outnumbers the female gender when it comes to voyeurism, exhibitionism, and fetishism. The male gender is always trying to find a quick way to get aroused. Anyone can be a victim when it comes to voyeurism and exhibitionism. People still do not understand the actions of either behavior. Although voyeurs and exhibitionist know that they are risking their life with their actions; however, they still feel like they cannot control their behavior. They rather get in trouble for their actions, rather than seek help.

In almost every sexual and gender identity disorder case, the exact causes of these disorders are not entirely known. Some researchers believe it is biological and genetic causes, while other researchers believe people start developing sexual and gender identity disorders throughout their adulthood. While people would like to believe that these disorders are made up in a person’s unconscious mind, it is truly hard to believe; especially when people go to extremes of having sex changes or setting up dungeon rooms to play out their fantasies. Most societies are not accepting of people who prefer abnormal sexual practices, but hopefully researchers will have a breakthrough to help determine the causes of these disorders and help people better understand the abnormal.

Pan and Aphrodite for Humanity’s Sexual Healing

Sexuality has been a rather dysfunctional area of the human experience, in the past and today also. Even though, in the western world, we may appear as ‘liberated’, ‘uninhibited’, ‘progressed’ and ‘advanced’ in sexual matters, with free pornography and prostitution, Internet sex, promiscuous sex with strangers, countless sex advice on popular magazines, huge expenses on improving our sex-appeal and appearance, sexuality is not much more balanced today than at other times. Neither is its connection to spirituality widely recognized. Sexual energies, when cleared of any excessively ‘positive’ (obsession) or ‘negative’ (judgment) attributes, can be used for the return and re-anchoring of higher frequencies in our lives and the world around us.

Hardly do we realize the importance of sexual health to spiritual health. We mostly regard sexuality as an isolated part, cut-off from the rest of our lives. Yet, sexuality is an inseparable part of one’s expression of life force. A couple with a healthy sex life, based on love, respect, inspiration and creativity, exudes such delightful energy, which helps, not only themselves, but also the world and the people around them in invisible ways. The same applies to a person who may be single, yet at peace, comfort and acceptance of his/her sexuality, while expressing his/her creative force in different ways. Despite the media’s brainwashing, sexual health (in the spiritual sense) is NOT determined by the frequency of our sexual contacts. Sexual health means acceptance, means the release of any guilt or shame about sexuality, the recognition of sexuality as a channel for powers of creativity, joy, spontaneity, honor and vitality. These qualities can be expressed in many different ways, not just through sex. Problems arise when these qualities get blocked due to trauma, guilt, shame, insecurity, low self-esteem, idolizing sex, sex addiction etc.

Human sexuality can be seen as a means to channel Universal energy into matter, so that physical matter is ultimately infused with life energy and soul energy. The most obvious creation of this infusion is, of course, a baby! But it is not the only one. Through appropriate channeling of sexual energy, one can create a work of art, a book, a project, or just a joyous day, during which we laugh and love and sing and rejoice. Sexual energy, when properly channeled (according to ancient methods of yoga, for example) can help towards spiritual enlightenment. Seeing sexuality as a package of physical techniques on biological reflexes, in order to create some momentary euphoria, is a very limited view. It is like seeing sex, as a little ‘fix’ to produce a ‘high’ and this view hides the spiritual truth of sexuality.

As other areas of the human experience, sexuality can be a wonderful tool, but it can be used in different ways. It can be used for ill and darkness, or it can be used for love and truth. Ways, not contributing to the light, are when sex is used for hurting, humiliating, using, or exploiting another, or for escaping boredom and the sense of vacuum and emptiness we may feel. Yet, the vacuum inside cannot be filled by sex. Many people today try to fill what is, essentially, a spiritual vacuum with sex and end up feeling more empty than ever (especially if they have used other people for their own perceived ‘need’). Both partners tend to feel cut off from the source of life force, depleted rather than energized, end up seeing each other and themselves as worthless and unattractive. We are bombarded by the media with messages of sexual obsession and sexual using (“how to get him/her to meet your needs” etc), but no one tells us that what we do to another, we do, first and foremost, to ourselves. If, through sex, we humiliate or use another, this is how we will feel about ourselves: used and humiliated. If, on the other hand, sex is the way of expression of love and appreciation of another, then this feeling will multiply for ourselves also. Sex can be the tool to give love or pain. The choice is ours and this choice will affect (just like every choice we make) every aspect of our life, as well as life around us.

Sexual healing is not about spicy advice on achieving greater physical pleasure. Sexual healing is about who we feel we are, in the deepest recesses of our soul. Sexual healing is about clearing the guilt that comes from abuse we received from others or we inflicted upon others, in this or in past lives. It is about de-idolizing sex and shedding all fears around it, fear of rejection, of not being liked, of being without, of being inadequate. It is about seeing its true purpose: union, joy, co-creation. Many spiritually evolved individuals choose the celibate life of the monk or nun, not because sex is ‘bad’, ‘dirty’ or anti-spiritual, but because they use their sexual energy for spiritual ascension. This may not be for everyone, if they feel that this is not their path. Spiritual progress does not exclude sexual activity, but the latter has to rely on love and respect to assist the former.

Sexual healing is very important today for the progress of humanity, since this area gathers some of the most repressed and dark negative thoughts and acts. Think about women in abusive relationships or women stoned for ‘hypothetical’ (or even real) infidelity. Think of the pain in many relationships (which is always linked to sexual pain, directly or indirectly), which often leads to substance abuse, depression, even suicide. Think of those, sometimes advertised, sexual practices, which humiliate human beings, with the use of physical violence. Many forms of negativity charge sexuality today, especially when it is disconnected from the spiritual self and is used to channel lower energies.

Some examples of distorted use of sexuality are the following:

1) The degrading of women, has been going on for so long, in such a wide scale, that the accumulated memory leads many women (along with men) to depreciate themselves. Men and women often fail to see the connection of female sexuality to the qualities of beauty, tenderness, sweetness and the Divine Feminine, but only see it as a vehicle for physical pleasure. Many women, who dimly remember this connection with the Divine Feminine, try to reclaim it, but sometimes do not know how. They expect approval from a man, in order to feel this connection again and to feel good about themselves. They idolize outer appearance, as the measure of the erotic inspiration they emit. But, attractiveness stems from the flame of vivacity, of our spiritual essence, which is unique, exists in all of us and which, when embraced, can shine outwards to all. This is the real attractiveness and beauty. A woman feels good in herself for who she is and this ease makes others feel attracted, while feeling good also. Everyone wins. Even without sex, the recognition of one’s own light and of the light of another, can be the most sublime, etheric erotic interchange, which can even diminish the biological need for sex. Sex can come about, but it only unfolds as another step in the manifestation of a positive energetic connection, it does not create, or replace the connection.

Many women can be blocked sexually by the emotional wounds of the past. Betrayals, rejection, lack of affection, abuse from the past, may make them doubt themselves and obstruct the flow of life force, in all areas of their lives. In this case, it is helpful to visualise clearing the heart charka with the white light of the Goddess. Even if a woman did not have any negative emotional experiences, it is likely that she feels the universal wound of rejection and abuse of women, coming from the collective unconscious of millions of women who have been abused and still are, in the world today. Healing the heart charka in this way, she helps not only herself, but heals the global thought-form (“women are abused by men”), she sends the healing energetic matrix to be used elsewhere by other consciousnesses too. Since we are all connected, healing does not only heal us, but goes beyond us.

Women can also ask Goddess Aphrodite to help them heal and accept their sexuality, to help life force flow again as a creative and vital power in their lives. The Aphrodite energy is very helpful in healing female sexuality and the Divine Feminine for humanity. A woman can thus feel the strength, the joy and vivacity which the Aphrodite energy brings… Even though Aphrodite’s name has been long stained and mis-used for all sorts of prostitution or pornography related material, Her purity cannot be changed, neither could She ever die…

There is another issue which links female sexuality to the channeling and the energy of the Goddess on Earth. The Goddess was worshipped very actively in many ancient temples in many parts of the world, mainly through female priestesses, who were virgins or practiced chastity. This was very powerful, since there were a big number of priestesses indeed! In those times, celibacy did not have the meaning that it has had in many religions since, i.e. it was not about being ‘clean’, while condemning sex as ‘dirty’. It was about reserving the female sexual energy for channeling the Goddess, and it was a very powerful anchoring method for the Goddess’s energy. Until a time came when, even in spirituality, masculinity dominated (sometimes through violence by male priests). These male priests or other males may have been of the dark or not, but (in ancient Greece at least, but I presume in other parts of the world too), they destroyed the temples of the Goddess and, on some occasions, converted the temples for male deities. They also forbade the priestesses from practicing the worship, forced them to marry, sometimes raped them or trained them and corrupted them with sex, so that the temples of the Goddesses became more or less prostitution houses. Prostitution was NOT one of the methods of the Goddess! But it was a powerful way for male domination to divert female sexual energy from anchoring the Goddess on Earth. It was not so much that they corrupted or raped the priestesses for their own personal gratification (even though this was a side gain!), but their main aim was to close down the channel for the Goddess through the priestesses.

How does this relate to us today? The Goddess is coming back… And it happens that many women around the world, especially sensitive, educated, strong women, find themselves, for long periods of time, without a partner. Is this a coincidence? I do not think so. Rather than complaining, or longing for partner, or even worse, consume themselves with inappropriate relationships, it is important for these women to recognize that any period of celibacy has its purpose. To question themselves, as to whether they feel drawn to working with the Goddess, since the Goddess energy may be trying to get through to them. It does not have to be forever, nor do women have to become nuns. The Goddess may need to work with them in chastity for only a certain period of time. When this time is over, the right partner will appear without effort. Neither does it mean that married or sexually active women cannot be the Goddess’s channels (though ANY relationship or sex that is not mutually loving, kind and respectful would block the Goddess energy). In effect, the large number of women without a partner today reflects a spiritual calling from the Goddess, one to be grateful for and used well, rather than wasted in obsessing about finding a partner (in ways that some modern movies or books almost make fun of…) This is something new in our spiritual era and something to be honored. So, I feel it is quite important that single women are aware of this perspective, since for many of them, their cooperation is needed by the Goddess AND working with Her will make their lives much more fulfilling and sweet than they can ever imagine. It happened on so many occasions in ancient Greece and ancient Egypt, during the attack on the Goddess, that the priestesses were made to believe that they were good only for sex or that they could not make it without a man…The reversal, the healing of this distortion is taking place now…

On the other hand, many men can also feel blocked (even apathetic) towards sex, or they can be obsessed and addicted to sex. For men, the deity Pan can help in clearing the channel of sexual flow, in reconnecting with the current of life force through sexuality, regardless of the presence of a partner. Pan is the guardian of the life force energy source (which in the inner planes looks like a little like a waterfall), for the human and animal kingdom and I believe for Nature also. Since it is the same life force, the energetic interaction which occurs when we are in nature, breathing it and appreciating it, helps us open up the sexual channel and helps with sexual healing too. It is of no coincidence that in Greek mythology, humans were said to join erotically with nymphs, ethereal and elemental energies. The channels of life flow in humans were so clear and open, their frequency so high, that they could unite with the entities of Nature, showing that Man and Nature are one. It was not of course any form of the biological sex that we know of today, but it was an energetic union and interaction of the highest and purest level and beauty, which created more Light on Earth. Unfortunately, as the general energies spiraled down with the passage of time, this capacity was lost, and the once pure ceremonies of Nature in ancient Greece (and elsewhere) got replaced by drunken orgies.

Yet, as humanity and Nature evolve towards ascension, the two worlds with come close together once again. It is no coincidence that Pan, Who symbolizes the purest and highest triangle joining Nature, Man and the Divine, was brutally slandered, for many centuries, making Him appear as a satyr, a nymphomaniac, ugly, with horns etc. At times, His image was even taken to represent evil. None of this is true. Pan is one of the highest Masters of Light, the king of the Nature and of the Elemental Kingdom and He protects Nature and Man.He does NOT have horns, He has a very beautiful innocent loving face and lots of thick curly long hair. When He was in body on Earth, He could sometimes appear with goat’s legs (although He could also appear as fully human), but this was deliberately planned by Spirit, as a dramatic lesson of utmost importance to humanity about the equality of Man and Nature. A lesson, we are still struggling with today…

2) Sexual abuse, particularly of children, is one of the darkest distortions of human sexuality. What could lead someone to such behavior? There is never just one single reason, but it has been found that the many offenders in child sexual abuse have themselves been abused as children. What is very common in cases of child sexual abuse is memory repression, so that the adult bears no conscious awareness of what happened to him, even though he may have irksome feelings that something inside is deeply wrong. Unless they heal their original trauma, so that they reclaim their own wounded inner child, there is some likelihood for a few of them (though certainly not the majority of adult survivors) to repeat the trauma they endured and behave in a similar way to other innocent and vulnerable ones. In some cases, there may even be the element of revenge, power and control, humiliation, malevolent intent to destroy the innocence of the child victim, especially when the offender is also influenced by lower energies and entities. The more the offender passes his own shame and worthlessness onto the victim, the more ashamed and worthless he feels himself. Both lose, in an ever-deepening vicious circle of abuse and humiliation (which is always the sole responsibility of the offender). After each re-enactment, the offender feels more and more depraved, helpless, and worthless, so that he feels his only choice really is to do one more of the same.

If an offender wishes to heal (some do), it is very important first to be cleared of any negative energies or entities that may have been attached to him, either by those who abused him as a child (if this is the case), or during his own acts of offending. I believe that addictions, such as offending children sexually, practicing violent sex, or using heroin (among others), attract many negative entities to those involved, this is why it is so hard for many individuals to break away from them. This does not mean that the offender bears no responsibility, or in fact karma, for it is always he, who chooses what to do. But it is an important factor to consider and I believe that many therapy programs today for offenders and addicts, would be much more successful, if they included negative energy clearing. It is important for the offender to ask clearing and protection from the Beings of Light, like Archangel Michael, in order to keep away any dark energies, who may be trying to manipulate him. The offender can ask to be helped to act, think and feel only in pure and kind intent. He/She can ask from Pan to withdraw his/her energy from any destructive channels of expression and re-channel them to healthy ways of light and creativity. It is important to ask for help from the Highest Beings of Light, since the darkness involved in these cases can be quite persistent. I believe that 12 step programs for addicts are excellent in this regard (and child sexual offending is always an addiction), since their basis is fundamentally spiritual: the addict/offender needs to admit the destructive nature of his behaviour, to take responsibility for his actions and thoughts, to realize that, with help, he can change, to admit that he needs help in therapy and to take all necessary practical steps to commit to his therapy. All of this, of course, requires that he is wishful and ready to change. Many are not. But there are some, who can no longer bear the pain of the depravity their acts bring and wish to change.

What we, lightworkers can do, if we feel this is the right thing, is to pray, wherever it is permitted by God and does not interfere with karma and with God’s Plan, for child sexual abuse to come to an end and for child offenders and victims to heal, if and when they are ready. If we ask without judgement and with genuine caring for all involved, we are helping, not just the offender, but the many possible child victims that each offender could harm during the course of his life, if left untreated. Of course, we can pray for the protection and caring of all children involved.

As for the victimized child, he/she does not need to remain a helpless victim forever. He/she can heal and clear away the stain of shame that has been put on their soul by the offender. The sexual offence on children almost always aims to destroy the innocence in the child. But innocence cannot be destroyed. Children may think that they lost their innocence, but in reality, it has only been ‘frozen’ at a certain corner of their heart, only waiting to be warmed and reclaimed again. The survivor, when ready to heal, can get rid off the feeling of shame and wrongness, which was not theirs in the first place, can reclaim their power and self-love and feel safe with their power. Praying to the Mother Mary (or any feminine deity of white clearing pure light) to clear with the white light of innocence all remnants of memories of shame and pain can be very helpful, as well as praying to Pan and Aphrodite for sexual healing.

3) AIDS. It is of no coincidence that, at a time when sex is so often burdened with shame and darkness, to appear a disease, which is transmitted through sex, but which also is related with acute stigma, shame and in some environments, even repulsion. There are many negative psychological interactions around AIDS. There are places in the world, where virgins are raped, because the rapist believes that he will get rid of the ‘dirty’ virus by passing it on to a ‘pure’ other (the same dynamic with child sexual abuse: the offender abuses the child in a failed attempt to find a momentary relief from the burden of the ‘dirty’ shame, by passing it on to the innocent victim). HIV carriers are stigmatized (perhaps not so much in the developed world, but in many other parts of the world), as if there is something wrong with them. The virus has become a symbol of all the negativity we have projected upon sex, and has, in turn, been used as a tool to spread the shame and the negativity further, by stigmatizing and condemning people. We can visualize a white light clearing humanity and all those who wish to receive this, of all the shame, guilt, stigma, judgment, revenge, abuse, isolation, that relate to AIDS and HIV. We can send the white light of love and compassion and acceptance to all those who have died so far (20 million in Sub-Saharan Africa alone, often died in secrecy and isolation), as well as those who are affected now. The more people refuse to judge and turn away from those infected, but see them in light, love and equality, the more the virus (which represents shame, rejection and ‘dirtiness’ about sex) will lose its power. The white light of innocence, embracing the Earth, will help loosen the grip of the disease upon humanity.